How Jaxxon Navigates His Sexuality As A Trans Man

You know how you grow apart from your childhood friends, but when you see each other it is as if no time has passed and you are transported right back to those carefree days of fun and mischief and getting into trouble? That’s exactly what it was like to catch up with Jaxxon for our recent portrait session. 

We grew up in a small neighbourhood in Wishart on the south side of Brisbane. At the time (late 80s early 90s), it was a fairly new part of the suburb and we were mostly surrounded by bushland that would later be knocked down for further development. 

But that bushland and the creek that runs through it was our wonderland! Yes we were lucky to have our Sega Megadrives or Playstations, but mostly we lived our lives outdoors. We had so many adventures riding our bikes through the park and bushland, exploring and hanging out in the giant storm water drain tunnels, flying off the rope swing and leaping into a deep part of the creek (that we were forbidden to swim in by our parents oops!) and building cubby houses and forts that we would lie in all day and talk about life and all sorts of things as we were becoming adolescents. Think of the movie Stand By Me (without the dead body) and that was us!

When Jaxxon came over last week, we immediately got to reminiscing about those adventures. He recalls;

“I remember finding a whole new section in the bush by myself one day, because I walked through some long grass to get to a piece of paper that was caught in the grass. I figured it was going to be a treasure map, or clue to something, of course it wasn't, but it did lead me to the new section of the bush with a whole lot more magical energy and things to explore. 

I remember showing you, and telling you not to tell anyone, we didn't want everyone to just come marching through. I think you told the others in our little crew the next day. (Haha sorry!) 

I also remember doing ghost stories in the big open drain tunnel we found.. And when a car up the road would drive over a street drain it would make a big booming noise and echo through the tunnel - everyone would scream and run!”

While we each had different kinds of bonds with each kid in our crew, Jaxxon (known as Shannon in those days) and I had a different kind of kinship. 

We were both picked on - me for not being the rough and tumble macho boy like my big brothers or other boys in school (yes we had a kids party where we all chose a hit song to lip sync to and I proudly chose Hold On by Wilson Phillips haha!) and Jaxxon for being an anti-Barbie tomboy with a ‘boy’s haircut’. 

I always admired and looked up to Jaxxon and his resilient attitude, though, with a “so what” attitude. Looking back, it’s probably my earliest lesson on not giving a fuck what other people think of me - so I thank you for that, Jaxxon. 

“I always saw myself as normal, I was a boy - the end! But it was a bit frustrating that everyone else kept seeing me as a girl. I remember changing my name in grade 4 to Shane as I thought that was more of a boys name than Shannon. It’s funny really that I've kept Shannon as my legal name, and just changed my second names to Jaxxon Chilli.

I was made aware of my differences from time to time at school. I remember the last day of primary school when class mates sign your year book, quite a few kids wrote ‘don't get a sex change, you are fine how you are’. Actually people would ask me if I was going to get one and I had a go to response; ‘No, it costs too much’. To tell you the truth I don't think I'd ever considered getting one because I had no idea what it was OR how much it cost. Mum said I started refusing to wear dresses in kindy, so I'm guessing that's when I started knowing my gender.” 

I asked, how did you process these feelings and come to terms with your sexuality and gender identity?

“My gender identity was just so set in stone in my head, the fact that others couldn't see it didn't really get to me. The only time it did is if I had to wear a dress, then I felt like a fraud, very uncomfortable, and like everyone would laugh at me. 

As for sexuality, that's been a trickier journey. I liked boys growing up, with the occasional crush on a female teacher or actress. Towards the later high school years, being exposed to a more alternative way of thinking, and some gayboys, I think I realised I could like females too. 

When I landed in the Queer scene end of '95 I felt like I'd found my people, females that looked like me etc. I think the community was pretty rigid in its ideals of sexuality and gender. You were a Lesbian or Gay, bi was a dirty word, trans was so very rare and misunderstood. Anyone who stepped outside of the norms were judged harshly and lost friends. With that being the case I never even thought to explore who I was as I guess in a way I wasn't exposed to thinking differently about my sexuality or changing my gender. 

As years went on I started to find myself away from the gay scene, I questioned my sexuality as I had a couple of random drunken hook ups with guys. When I did transition my attraction to men grew more (it's a thing with trans guys that used to identify as lesbian, there needs to be a study done on it!).

There was a queer movement happening in the community which was a welcome shift. People could just be. This is where I have been sitting, queer. There's freedom in it.”

Part of the reason we grew apart is because a few years after high school I moved overseas, so I missed a lot of this important time in Jaxxon’s life. I wondered what it was like coming out to his family and our friends.

“Oh God, coming out to my family was scary as I imagine it is for most folk. Coming out as same sex attracted was bumpy, I remember my dad asked me when I was 17 living at home and doing the washing up, I was thrown off and kind of blurted out, I like both and it was left at that. 

Then years later when I was 26 and drunk at a family wedding, I told my dad properly, he said ‘we better get your Mother’. 

Mum's response was ‘no that doesn't feel right’. I was a little bit upset by this, but at least It was done! Phew! 

But! My Mum was right in that it wasn't right, there was more to my story, and it was slowly bubbling to the surface. A friend or two, then 3 had transitioned from female to male, which was my first real life experience of the old ‘sex change’ talk. I would have jumped in head first but because there were a few people around me transitioning I questioned if it was actually me, or was I getting caught up in it. 

I was identifying as Gender Queer Boi, using male pronouns hy, hys. Which most friends/partners were on board with. However it got to the time where I knew I was trans, this was something I'd always felt. There were definitely things I'd be happy to have removed from my body. When I told my family everyone was totally OK, they just wished happiness for me, it was no surprise to my sisters, and my Mum said ‘now this feels right, I told you the other bit didn't feel right’. That was around 11 years ago!” 

Jaxxon went on to talk about the fact that coming out is not a one time gig.

“I have to and CHOOSE to come out ALL the time. I have to if I'm interested in someone, I don't want to just be like ‘surprise! I have something different in my pants than what you thought’. And I choose to in other situations (if I feel safe) cause visibility is rad and much needed!”

He then told me about how Jaxxon Chilli became a whirlwind and somewhat of a persona in the community.

“When I made the decision to transition, life changed dramatically! It got busy and crazy. I'd planned to be single and take time to pay attention to my transition and body. Within months I was (somehow) in a relationship. 

I also saw a need for a support group for us T boys as there was nothing around in Queensland or maybe even Australia at that stage. So I started a group called ‘QTs for TBoys’ both on Facebook and a physical group, where we'd catch up once a month. I'd cook up a BBQ and then we'd chat about life, concerns, questions, experiences, joys, anything really. 

I also took over running a monthly club called TBar. It was a Queer club for everyone but with a strong emphasis on gender diversity, for folks to feel safe. I also was a volunteer for Wendybird. Wendybird is a day event run every 6 weeks, with meaningful connections for people of diverse bodies, genders, relationships and sexualities away from the club scene. I was lucky enough to win volunteer of the year at the Queens Ball 2014. Life was super busy!”

As the whirlwind starts to settle and he feels more grounded, Jaxxon considers a name change to reflect this.

“I'm not sure how to spell it yet. Thamos or Tamos. But it's a name I came up with when I was in high school. I thought it was a name for if I ever had the opportunity to name a baby. But in the last year or so I've been thinking it's the name for me, when I am feeling grounded and life is flowing (it's a but hard to explain) I guess when I feel I am all me, feet on the ground, completely comfortable with myself and life (?!). 

The name Jaxxon suited for a time, but it almost felt like a stage name. I was in the spotlight, working hard for our community. Now I am focused on myself, Tamos is the other side of me. I'm not quite there yet, but working on it. Yep one of those trans folk that changes their names a few times! Haha.”

We finished our conversation with Jaxxon talking about what pride means to him and the advice he has for young queer kids.

“Pride is about me and I have struggled with finding it over the years. I guess because my identity is always shifting, my gender, my sexuality. Pride for me these days isn't so much about sexuality, it's about trying to be my best self, treating others as I wish to be treated, holding my head up high in the world. Role modelling as best as I can.. also being a strong and visible queer person, so those struggling know things DO get better, and for those who don't have anything to do with the LGBTIQ community see we are just like everyone else, except of course a little more fabulous.  

I think the world is more accepting these days, the internet has definitely helped with that, so that's a start. Just be true to you, there's many who have paved the way. Reach out, our community is here to help! Be unapologetically you! Because you are the only one living your life!” 

I love this portrait the most! That cheeky, mischievous grin I remember from childhood!

The Garlands Project is a safe space for the local LGBTQIA+ community to express themselves and showcase their unique beauty with a collection of contemporary portraits.

The portraits and stories will become an anthology, or year book with the faces and tales of the diverse Brisbane community.

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XO